I can’t even poke fun at him.

This has not always been the case. I loved me some Anthony Weiner humor back in 2011 and notably, in 2013 when everything coincided like some great Celestial Humor Conjunction and all the stars aligned to make a ginormous Three Stooges-worthy political nightmare. (If you don’t feel like clicking the link, scroll down to read the original article.)

Of course, it was never funny for his poor wife, and he’s crossed the Shakespearean line from comedy into tragedy as it is now painfully obvious that he learns nothing from his mistakes.

But before we say “adios!” to Carlos Danger, I’d like to reiterate the one thing I’ve held on to during this saga: unless we have actual abuse to consider, we should never question anyone’s reasons for staying with their spouses, even when it is patently obvious to every onlooker, even the Stone Aged ones in Borneo, that the spouse in question is a loser and she should just DTMFA.

Huma Abedin presumably made promises at her wedding that presumably mentioned things like ‘for better and for worse’ and maybe even something about ’til death do us part.’ (Just guessing here; I wasn’t at the event.) True enough: she may have had other reasons for sticking with this. She may have seen a political benefit (though I cannot see one through the dense thicket of Weiner’s tweets). She may have had religious beliefs that superseded secular ones. There may be money in there somewhere.

It doesn’t matter.

She did an admirable job of keeping this together for as long as she did. She didn’t even take the obvious, easy way out when the Richmond Flying Squirrels sponsored a hot dog contest in her husband’s honor. What? You never heard that it’s standard pre-nup language that, if your spouse is the reason a minor league baseball team conducts a Salute To Scandals in his/her name, you’re allowed to bail with no penalty?

Well, if it isn’t, it should be.

So long, Carlos Danger. I hope you someday learn to keep your cellphone in your pants where it belongs.

Posted: Wednesday, August 14, 2013 9:32 am

It’s like Christmas in July: you’re wondering what the next column will be about, and somewhere off in the darkness Carlos Danger turns on his cell phone.

Yes, friends, Anthony Weiner, former Congressman and current New York City mayor wannabe, has again shamed his family name, or fulfilled it, depending on how you look at it. In case you’ve been hiding under a rock for the past few weeks or so, please note that Mr. Weiner is at it again, both with sending anatomically-correct pictures of body parts to women who are not his wife and sticking another body part out politically when it makes no sense to do so.

After swearing on a stack of smartphones that he was never, ever, ever getting back together with his Twitter account, Weiner just admitted that not only did he not cease and desist with the behavior that cost him his job just two years ago, he kept sending crotch shot selfies up until April of this year, just one month before this amazingly still-married narcissist insanely entered the Big Apple mayoral race.

So many jokes. So little time. But I’m taking the high road here and focusing on the San Francisco Giants’ Double A farm club, the Richmond Flying Squirrels, who are responding to this crisis by sponsoring a “Salute to Scandal Night.” Fans are invited to enter a contest by Tweeting pictures of their $1 hot dogs.

I don’t know who dreamed this one up, but whoever you are, I love you. Not so much that I’m going to send you a picture of my underpants, but I’ll stand by you when the world denounces you.

Much like Anthony’s wife, whose decision to stand with him even now is being dissected like a frog in freshman biology class. Huma Abedin is being accused of being a political opportunist, or a bad role model, or an abused wife because so far she has refused to kick Weiner and his cell phone to the curb.

Who knows why? Maybe it’s political for her, but that’s foolish because his current career has an expiration date that is fast approaching. Maybe she believes that doing the Silda Spitzer at the now-routine apologetic press conference and looking like she just ate a bad hot dog would humiliate her. Maybe she decided that the best way to shame this bozo would be to stand next to him and say “I love him, even if he does have an entire Flying Squirrel scandal night dedicated to him,” because he clearly doesn’t deserve her love, and loving him even so makes him look even more like a schmuck, if such a thing is even possible.

Maybe she really believed that wedding vows say “for better or for worse,” and not “for better or for worse, unless you repeatedly demonstrate that you can’t be trusted with modern social networking technology, in which case I am so out of here,” which is more belief than half of American couples can scrape together these days. I’m not going to fault her for that, whatever her motivations.

The public should get off her back; she’s already got a giant Weiner on it.


© E. Stocking Evans 2016