A long time ago, when my oldest was in kindergarten (so that makes it about fifteen years, to be exact) I served on the technology committee for the Catholic grade school she attended. I was in a meeting with the principal (a formidable nun who I swear is Lee Iacocca in a dress) and trying to evaluate the wisdom/sense/merits of installing what passed for a Net Nanny on the school’s computers.

To the horror of the rest of the technology committee, Sr. Iacocca didn’t want a Net Nanny. She felt that kids should live in the world and they should be monitored if they’re on a computer but if they see something odd/bizarre/gross/inappropriate a teacher or parent needs to step in and give them moral and social context.

True story: she asked me to demonstrate what would happen if I googled (or the early 90’s version of googling) the term ‘virgin mary.’ In a Catholic school that’s a not-unexpected scenario, so I dutifully typed it in. All the ‘hits’ were appropriately Virginny-Mary and Sr. Lee was disappointed because she wanted to prove and demonstrate her point: that a common, respectable search term might yield unsavory results. I remember her standing behind me in her habit commenting, “Damn. Need to see some porn!” under her breath.

So, I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about this.

Synopsis: former TV news producer and full-time mom laments the Kidz Bop series’ use of objectionable artists in (what I think is) their thoroughly annoying re-mixes of pop songs. (If you haven’t heard of this genre, think pop songs re-recorded by little kids.) It’s the predictable Justin Bieber pap but also includes the counterintuitive inclusions of Snoop Dogg, for example, who is known for being a paragon of middle-America values.

Hell, yeah.

The KB series edits out the lyrics and replaces them with innocuous ones. So now I don’t understand this woman’s problem. What else can you complain about other than the cloying sound of children singing “Nasty Girl”? (I don’t think that they actually recorded that song; I believe the epic use of the f-word in that song defies even the Keebler Elves at Kidz Bop)

The author’s concern? That if Snoop Dogg is on the KB album, the kids might want to watch his video, which makes almost everyone’s hair fall out.

OMG. Not that.

Sr. Iacocca is gonna be pissed. Like her, I believe in a little something called ‘parenting,’ which entails not plopping my eight-year-old in front of MTV. It entails saying ‘no’ when kids say, “Hey! That’s the guy who wrote the song that got parodied on Kidz Bop! Can we buy his album?” It entails explaining why we don’t use half the words or concepts we hear in Snoop Dogg songs in polite conversation, should any of those words cross the Parental Quarantine and strike our children’s virgin ear drums.

The world is a really scary place. People say all kinds of crap. They try to kill each other. Random crap happens, too. There are germs, big scary horrible ones that make your skin fall off. As much as I’d like to hermetically seal my kids and protect them from all that, it’s impractical. While I don’t endorse seeking out and marinating the kids in all that junk, successfully shielding them from everything won’t complete my own Job One: giving the kids a solid context for viewing the world and preparing them for living in it.

© E.S. Evans 2010