When I was a teenager, I was cautioned by my mother never to hitchhike. She cited the usual reasons why I should never do such a thing, like the possibility of being hauled off into the desert and left for dead with the scorpions.

Which was chilling enough, but she also mentioned the chance that our neighbor, Esther, would drive by and catch me in the act, thus outing me as a vagrant, hitchhiking teenager. It is presumed that Esther would have picked me up in a New York minute and carted my wayward ass back to my mother.

This story comes back to me when I was reading Fox News, because in a surfeit of Weirdapalooza, right next to the story about Sandra Frosti and her eight-foot alligator I find The Ultimate Story Of Your Mother Discovering You Doing Something Stupid.

Please note that the prostitute involved didn’t think she should maybe tone down the illegal, highly dangerous line of work. No, the lesson we drew from this episode was that maybe we should quit giving interviews as opposed to quit giving…oh, never mind.