Fun Fact: my parents had five kids with very straight teeth. No braces required.

As one of those kids, I kinda dug that. In high school, when we had a mock presidential debate, I had to be Jimmy Carter because of all the teeth.

If you’re not old enough to remember that a singular characteristic of Jimmy Carter was that he had a big ass smile, then do an internet search and be satisfied with that. It’s Mothers Day and I’m too lazy to find another picture I can use.

So I had the teeth, and the smile, and not much else to be vain about. (More on that later.) To take care of that smile, I spend a lot of time in some sort of -ntist’s chair, and pay close attention to ’em. (The teeth *and* the ‘ntists)

It was with consternation that I noted in pictures that things were starting to move on me. Of course, when you get to my age, everything starts to move, and I was okay with most of it because again, I have never been able to trade on my looks, but not the teeth, God, not the teeth. On top of that, I figure I have a few more years to work and I don’t want to look like a jack o’lantern.

So I consulted with another -ntist, this time an orthodontist. He slapped some hardware on the top teeth, told me to floss well for fifteen months, and off I have gone to straighten myself out.

After about ten months, here are some observations:

• I miss popcorn. Desperately. I had to break up with it for this venture and I think about it every day.
• I am way too excited about my Water Pik.
• I had thought about getting those trays, because well, vanity, but the orthodontist talked me into clear braces so he could correct some bite issues. He was right: they’re hard to notice. I spent an hour or two sitting across from my daughter at dinner (after not seeing her for several months) and she never realized that I had braces until the next day, when I posted a picture of myself on Facebook.
• It’s interesting to go to a milestone high school reunion and flash orthodontia at everyone. Of course, I have kind of given up on the whole looks thing (and when I was *in* high school, I traded heavily on personality, letmetellyouinternetz), but I was especially proud of myself for not being self-conscious about smiling widely.
• A friend of mine asked me, “Why did you get braces when you’re so old?” The only answer to that is: I still feel like a clumsy, awkward teenager at heart. May as well look the part.

© E. Stocking Evans 2018